Most of us are very good at keeping our physical boundaries in check – usually a 3-foot zone around your physical body. However, emotional and energetic boundaries are more difficult to set and maintain. Learning how to set healthy boundaries is essential for well-being and vitality. When you do this, you strengthen your well-being and are better able to protect and maintain your energy (both giving it and having it taken).
Try and ensure your ego is not involved in creating the boundary. Do this by letting go of the need to be right.
What Does It Mean To Set A Healthy Boundary?
To set a healthy boundary means to speak up for yourself or say no when it is appropriate. Appropriate could mean when you feel you are not being respected, listened to, feel uncomfortable etc.
Is The Boundary Appropriate?
This will, of course, be unique to you – we all have personal views on what appropriate means. However, it is essential to evaluate what is appropriate. You want to avoid setting a boundary that is based on the ego (What Is The Ego And What Does It Do?) that could lead to you digging in your heals, becoming aggressive and causing unnecessary conflict and unpleasantness.
The flip side of this is if a boundary has been poorly defined it is more difficult to get your point across. This may lead to giving in to others needs. Feeling like you are a victim or unfairly treated has the potential of increasing emotional distress.
How do you avoid this? You can prevent this by being mindful of your thoughts and actions. Spend a little time in present awareness – not in the past or future – and let go of any judgement. In this place of present awareness, you will be better able to find the appropriate line to draw your boundary.
If you set a boundary based on judgement, reliving past hurts and creating possible outcomes for the future that have not happened, it is likely the boundary will not be appropriate.
How To Set Healthy Boundaries
When setting a boundary, try and do this from a place of compassion. I must stress though that compassion does not mean it is alright to accept unpleasantness from someone else. See the other person as someone who is deserving of love, just as much as you are. That they are ultimately an energy being, who is having a human experience – whatever that experience may entail.
With this in mind, the following steps in how to set healthy boundaries may offer a practical approach to setting appropriate and gentle boundaries:
When you feel uncomfortable or have the need to establish a boundary, take a moment to enter a mindful place of present awareness. It is essential to do this as soon as you feel discomfort. You want to avoid judgement.
Try and ensure your ego is not involved in creating the boundary. Do this by letting go of the need to be right.
Check again and see if the other person is crossing the line? You are effectively checking to see if the discomfort you are feeling is coming from your ego or indeed from the other person.
Is it possible that the other person is merely giving you their point of view?
Is this personal?
If the discomfort being felt is being caused by someone being personal who is crossing your boundaries, try and think of a kind way to express what you are feeling or to say that it is not appropriate. Kindness is vital as this will help you feel less emotional and limit any unpleasantness.
Following the affirming of your boundary, you may or may not get the reaction you wished. This is OK!
If you do not get the reaction you wished for then, let go of any need to be right or heard. Do this mindfully from a place of present awareness (non-judgment and not in the past or future).
If you are happy with the way you handled setting your boundary, you can let this episode go with the knowledge that you set the boundary appropriately. You have done all you can, and it is now up to the other person. Remember if it is appropriate you can revisit this at a later time.
The key takeaway points are that any boundary setting should be done from a place of present awareness (non-judgment, not it the past or future and from the ego).
You are an energy being that receives and gives off energy. With this in mind, I like to do an etheric cord cutting following setting a boundary. The Etheric Cord Maintenance Attunement is a great attunement if you want to cut negative cords and maintain healthy cords and connections.
Learning how to set healthy boundaries is a vital part of maintaining healthy relationships and high levels of vitality and wellbeing.
